Jody’s Blog . . . a life after chronic fatigue syndrome

Sunday, January 3, 2010

During the winter, CFS seems to close in on me in a way that was not happening during the warmer months.

I am not as ill as I was last winter, but the day to day habits of my life become more closed in and insular.

While I don’t have the distressing neurological symptoms from before, my energy level is lower. And I find that a certain … hibernation mode seems to be what comes naturally. I liken it to the flowers and trees that cease to bloom; the animals that go to their nests; even my cat spends more time in the house sleeping.

I try to view this as a time of rest, waiting for the renewal of spring. Conserving energy. Regenerating.

It is a bit frightening, as it feels at times like I am failing (waning, not losing) at life. The strides forward of last spring and summer are mostly put on hold for now. I don’t go out. I don’t have any desire to.

But I remind myself that this hibernation, the time spent in bed reading again — something I left behind last summer being so busy with other things — is from choice this time rather than necessity. It is so that I will have the needed energy for my freelance writing, for my friendships on the net, for my family.

And it is so that when the warm weather comes again, I will be ready for it …

I hope …

May 8, 2009 

Today for the first time in a while, I had a nap in the afternoon. 

I’m really trying to balance my new-found energy and activity on the net, with getting adequate rest and regeneration. 

Man, it’s hard. But worth it. 

This time last year, I had just stepped up to a new energy level. I no longer needed a morning nap of 2 hours. 

I “only” had to lay down for 2 to 3 hours in the afternoon.

Then after dinner, I would lay down in bed with a book for the rest of the evening.

 This was a great breakthrough at that time. 

These days, I try to have some quiet time for an hour or so in the afternoon, but it’s normal to be able to be up in the evenings. Sometimes I’ll watch TV with Al in the living room, sometimes I write emails and work on the net for 3 to 4 hours. 

I sleep like a regular person all night and wake up feeling only half-wonky for the first hour or so, and then I’m usually up for running some errands or getting some shopping done. And I am NOT exhausted when I come home (usually). 

THAT is a blessed change.