Sunday, January 3, 2010
During the winter, CFS seems to close in on me in a way that was not happening during the warmer months.
I am not as ill as I was last winter, but the day to day habits of my life become more closed in and insular.
While I don’t have the distressing neurological symptoms from before, my energy level is lower. And I find that a certain … hibernation mode seems to be what comes naturally. I liken it to the flowers and trees that cease to bloom; the animals that go to their nests; even my cat spends more time in the house sleeping.
I try to view this as a time of rest, waiting for the renewal of spring. Conserving energy. Regenerating.
It is a bit frightening, as it feels at times like I am failing (waning, not losing) at life. The strides forward of last spring and summer are mostly put on hold for now. I don’t go out. I don’t have any desire to.
But I remind myself that this hibernation, the time spent in bed reading again — something I left behind last summer being so busy with other things — is from choice this time rather than necessity. It is so that I will have the needed energy for my freelance writing, for my friendships on the net, for my family.
And it is so that when the warm weather comes again, I will be ready for it …
I hope …