The weather has turned cooler and overcast these days. Summer is over.
It seems every year that in the change of seasons from summer to fall, I experience some downturn. Some years have been worse than others. This fall so far has been, I think, the gentlest one in over a decade.
I haven’t gone out even for a walk, in over a week. That has something to do with windy, rainy weather. It also has to do with a lower level of energy. And a recent reminder of how much I don’t like to crash. So I am playing it safe at present.
Unlike other autumns, though, I feel some … contentment with this quieter life. I don’t really feel a desire to go uptown, for instance. To do the grocery shopping. To scan the streets for someone I know.
The loneliness is not nearly what it was such a short time ago. That has everything to do with having formed friendships on the net, and with having some work online as well.
I no longer fear that if I disappeared, nobody would notice. I no longer believe that if I were to vanish, nobody would come to look for me.
This is a source of contentment for me.
- A Life After CFS - Ncubator
- Alysons CFIDS Blog
- Ashy’s Blog
- Blue Ribbon Campaign for ME/CFS
- Bringing the Heat - Phoenix Rising’s Blog
- CFIDS Insights
- Chronic Fatigue Survivor’s Blog
- Daily Strength CFS Support Group
- Dr. Mercola’s Natural Health Newsletter
- Dreams At Stake
- Jimmy Moore’s Livin’ La Vida Low Carb Blog
- Jo Blogs
- Kelly Upcott ND
- Laurel’s CFS/CFSAC Testimony on YouTube
- Learning to Live With CFS
- Lifetime Wellness Centre
- ME and me
- ME/CFS Forums at Phoenix Rising
- Metabolism Society
- Phoenix Rising
- ProHealth Wellness Community, Research and Health Products
- Reiki-Do Natural Healing Centre
- Renee’s Reflections
- Sick Momma
- Suggest Ideas
- Sundog Tales
- Support Forum
- Surprising ME
- WordPress Planet
Sunday, January 3, 2010
In the winter months, CFS seems to close in on me in a way that was not happening during the warmer months.
I am not as ill as I was last winter, but the day to day habits of my life become more closed in and insular.
While I don’t have the distressing neurological symptoms from before, my energy level is lower. And I find that a certain … hibernation mode seems to be what comes naturally. I liken it to the flowers and trees that cease to bloom; the animals that go to their nests; even my cat spends more time in the house sleeping.
I try to view this as a time of rest, waiting for the renewal of spring. Conserving energy, regenerating, resting.
It is a bit frightening, as it looks to me at times like I am failing at life. The strides forward of last spring and summer are mostly put on hold for now. I don’t go out. I don’t spend time on the phone. I don’t have a desire to do any of these things.
But I remind myself that this hibernation, the time spent in bed reading again — something I left behind last summer because I was busy with other things — is from choice this time rather than necessity. It is so that I will have the needed energy for my freelance writing, for my friends on my forums, for my family. And it is so that when the warm weather comes again, I will be ready for it …