Jody's May Blog

May 29, 2009
Yesterday was such a good day. :-)
Jesse's 19th birthday. He and I went out -- out! -- I still haven't gotten over the novelty of me being able to just pick up and go out when I choose. And now, it's happening for Jess.
He's been out more in these past 2 weeks than he has in the last 6 months. Oh! Thank God.
We stopped at the bank. We drove 20 minutes to a nearby town, and he got a strawberry milkshake at one fast-food place, and curly fries at another one. We drove back to our own town, stopped at the grocery store where he got the world's largest bag of SlowPokes. (They are a family birthday tradition.)
For that matter, so is the milkshake. The day he was born was also the day we came home from the hospital and we stopped at that selfsame fast-food place, to get a strawberry milkshake. So it's nostalgic for me, though he naturally has no recollection of it. Man, you can't get too much younger than he was when that happened. He was about 8 hours old. Of course he has heard the story about a million times ... :-)
We came home, and we neither of us had to go to bed. Major.
I answered some email -- another new and wonderful thing. Watched my afternoon soap, and then our oldest son Duncan and his wife Carmel drove up. They were coming to celebrate Jesse's birthday.
They brought ice cream and waffle cones and toppings. They brought hamburger buns and pop. They brought presents for Jess. Carmel made cupcakes with icing and sprinkles (Jesse's preference over cake this year). She loves to cook for people.
I picked up Sarah from work, brought her home. Started cooking hamburgers, some little frozen processed ones that are the burger of choice of some family members (I think they just don't really like meat) and some REAL hamburgers with onion and garlic mixed into them, with salt and pepper and worcestershire sauce. MmmMMm. A friend of Sarah's joined us for dinner, and the living room was, like it was for so many years raising 5 kids, full of people. Even Jesse came out of his room and joined the party. (He usually doesn't. :-)
Really cooked by the end of the day. Absolutely baked. Went to my room by 8 pm or so, read awhile, answered some emails, wrote an article for Ncubator ... :-)
And woke up today, still tired, but, thank God, a normal tired.
May 22, 2009
I have had to sleep and rest more in this past week than I have in a long time. But I'm also able to do much more than I have in a very long time. I guess it's like having to stop and put more gas in the tank of your car, the more driving you do.
I posted a couple of articles this week, and now this entry. Ncubator's only been up for not quite 3 weeks, and things feel like they're coming together faster than I expected.
I'm shooting for 3 new articles up per week, and maybe a couple of blog entries.
This time last year, I was in the midst of a crash after catching the flu. Then I twisted my ankle in early June and had to stay off it for a week or so. The added stressors seemed to make the crash more intense and longer to get over.
This year is much better. :-)
Last year I was thinking, wistfully, about writing again someday. Still had nothing to say, nor the energy to say anything with. My seven books per week from the library, were my literary achievements. And, it goes without saying, my emails to my naturopath pretty much every week.
That was the only writing I was doing, but as I look back I know -- and I knew it at the time -- writing to her was so important for me. Helped to bring me back from the dead.
May 16, 2009
I guess I overstepped myself again.
This past week, I've had to do a LOT of resting, I've even gone back to a nap in the late mornings or early afternoons. I'll be reading a book on the couch or on my bed, and start nodding off.
Because I am stubborn and mulish and don't LIKE going to bed, I try to hang in there. Grab the book I've almost dropped on the floor, clap my hand on the open pages before my book closes on me, lift my head and give it a shake one more time, then another and another until -- okay I can take a hint. (Sortof.) My body is telling me very clearly it is time to lay it down and catch some z's whether I like it or not.
Went back to bed at 11:30 a.m. today, slept after awhile. Got up at 1 p.m. Did I feel better when I woke up? The answer to that question for someone with CFS is ... complicated. Yes and no. That is to say, yes I was less tired . But no I didn't feel better. Sorry, that's the clearest I can get.
Still, last week was a good week. Ncubator was a week old and looking good to my eyes. I learned how to add on to the site by myself and that gives me greater creativity and flexibility so that's great.
I posted an article about my mom, on Ncubator and on EmpowHer.com for Mother's Day, and had the pleasure of showing it to her on the net. I was at her house on Mothers Day, and that was my gift for her, with a little basket of raspberries to sweeten the deal.
Later that day, our son and daughter-in-law came over to celebrate Mothers day with us. Loving daughter-in-law always cooks for me, and this time made a spread of chicken with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese, as well as raw vegetables with dip. For the carb-inclined of us (everybody but me) she also had rigatoni noodles and garlic bread with melted mozzarella, and she made brownies. We provided the coffee with cream.
Last week my brother from Toronto came to visit us. He stayed for a few hours, and had a chance to visit with everyone.
It was a great visit, though I was pie-eyed at the end of it. My face was getting numb and I was venturing to speak less and less often as I couldn't trust my words to come out properly and my thoughts would suddenly drop down a trap-door never to be heard from again.
Went right to bed after that deal for an hour or so. Rested up enough then to make dinner. I was starving!
Which reminds me -- for years, I didn't get hungry. I knew to go get something to eat because of what time it was, or because I was getting numb in the head and vibrating. But I didn't get hungry. Well, I have started getting hungry again and I find -- it's a real pain in the neck. :-) But it's an encouraging sign of improvement too.
May 8, 2009
Today for the first time in a while, I had a nap in the afternoon.
I'm really trying to balance my new-found energy and activity on the net, with getting adequate rest and regeneration.
Man, it's hard. :-) But worth it.
This time last year, I had just stepped up to a new energy level. I no longer needed a morning nap of 2 hrs.
I "only" had to lay down for 2 - 3 hrs in the afternoon, and then after dinner, would lay down in bed with a book for the rest of the evening.
This was a great breakthrough at that time.
These days, I try to have some quiet time for an hour or so in the afternoon, but it's normal to be able to be up in the evenings. Sometimes I'll watch TV with Al in the living room, sometimes I write emails and work on the net for 3 - 4 hrs.
I sleep like a regular person all night and wake up feeling only half-wonky for the first hour or so, and then I'm usually up for running some errands or getting some shopping done. And I am NOT exhausted when I come home (usually).
THAT is a blessed change.
May 5, 2009
Last night, I wrote some emails, and tweaked Ncubator, created some new pages, put up a new article. By 9 p.m. I was having neurological fireworks, tingling and vibrating, brain slowed way down. I made myself back away from the computer, climb on my bed, and pick up a book for a half hour. Monitored my remaining symptoms -- still not so good -- read for another half hour. Monitored -- ah, much better by 10 p.m.
I cautiously approached the laptop, opened it, and laid hands upon it. So I was a little careful but I know I overdid it between 10 p.m. and midnight. Alright, I was still at it at midnight, so I guess I REALLY overdid it by 1 a.m. when I ran out of ideas ... and ran out of steam ...
Today I woke up feeling spacey and shakey. I know it's from overdoing on the computer yesterday. But I was having SUCH a good time!
If I want to continue to have a good time though ...
So I went to bed and read in the late morning and early afternoon, something I don't normally need to do anymore. I thought about going uptown, decided there wasn't anything that had to be done and it can all wait for a day. Or so.
Al wrestled with the internet all morning and came out the victor, with a new email address for me -- editor@ncubator.ca. Ahhhhhhh. That was my name for five years, B.C. (before my crash). It was ".com" back then, and it is ".ca" now ... doesn't feel any different though. :-) Feels good. Feels like coming home.
May 3, 2009
Ncubator.ca is now up on the net.
Al has taught me how to upload pages. More or less. I still need a little help now and then but it is getting easier.
I still need to take breaks, when my head fogs and my nerves vibrate. A little rest goes a long way, though, these days. Instead of having to go to bed for the afternoon, a half hour usually suffices.
Note to self -- Remember to listen to this fragile body and brain. I used to have an old habit of going for broke, and ignoring fatigue, bent on meeting my goals and getting things done. Don't want to fall back into unhealthy habits, and lose the ground I've gained this past year.
I will try to pace myself, and maintain the health I've regained.
May 1, 2009
Alan and I got a step closer to having Ncubator ready to open its doors. I'm pretty excited.
A certain balancing act is required. I get so intent upon writing, I could do it for hours. And I do it for hours. :-) All the while I must keep in the back of my mind, that I do not want to burn out and crash. And so I will make myself go and rest. Read a book. Wash some dishes. Knit a little on my latest project.
My energy has been so good recently and I'm having so much fun, it's easy to overdo. Then I'll feel the "body stone" sensations swirling and whirling, and feel my brain slow right down, and know I need to lay down awhile.
I'm not much of a marathon runner anymore. Nor even much of a sprinter. But my strength and clarity are coming back, a bit more and a bit more. Just don't push, Jody. Let this thing happen in its own time.

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