Going Chronic : 1999

In the fall of 1999 I went chronic.
After six weeks, my most recent bout of CFS did NOT disappear. Rather it stayed with me, the symptoms not quite so severe as they had been, but there all the same. All the time.
I tried to go back to my regular life anyway. Obviously a mistake but I had no way of knowing that at the time. I still didn't know what was wrong with me.
My vision would get blurry if I tried to focus for very long. I went to the optometrist and got a stronger perscription for my glasses. It helped for reading.
I felt like I was shaking most of the time. It was hard work to focus my thoughts, to think my thoughts. To understand what other people were saying, to speak. Working with numbers got very difficult. I'd never been a math whiz, but I would have said I could handle myself in the numbers arena. Until now.
Noise bothered me. Flashing lights, sudden movement, alot of action on a television screen, would jolt through me and I'd have to look away. Eventually I would have to disappear to my bedroom to get away from everything.
One afternoon, I got a list of a few things ready for my husband Alan to get from the grocery store. Only four things on the list. I'd had an earlier, much scribbled on, list that I had decided to recopy for him, make it easier to read. Should be simple, right? I copied the four items from the messy list, gave it to him, and went to bed.
Just from this tiny exertion, I felt like I was going to shake to pieces. I clung to a pillow and shook for half an hour. After that time, it became more bearable. It didn't stop, I still had what felt like adrenaline racing through me, my mind, my thoughts fragmented, face numb ... I went to sleep eventually.
When I woke up an hour later I felt ... not quite so bad. But still ... bad.
This was my life for a very, very long time.

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